A few weeks ago, I asked people what they would like to read blog posts about. I love writing; I love running. Marrying the two up seemed like an epic idea! And then I went into my hill training phase and didn’t have any energy for anything in my life. All that to say - no, I didn’t forget, and hello, here I am with what will be the first in a series of blog posts as part of LFD Run Coaching.
When thinking about what to kick this blog off with, one suggestion from LFD Athlete Kylie - actually our OG client, the first to sign up after we soft launched - stood out. She wanted to read about what inspires me to run.
What inspires you to lace those shoes up day after day is something that’s individual to almost everybody who does it, but it’s something incredibly important.
When I first read Addie Bracy’s book, Mental Training for Ultrarunning (a fantastic read, as an aside), it talked a lot about finding your why. And for me, that actually didn’t resonate at all. I’ve never had a why that immediately came to my mind. I just ran because… well, just because.
Unlike most people, I don’t have any deep or inspirational story for why I took up running, let alone took up ultra running. Sure, on some deeper level I’m sure there is a reason - there’s too much crossover between ultra runners and people who have experienced trauma in their past, and with cPTSD I’m definitely in that camp. On some unconscious level, I know that it was about showing to myself that I’m tough enough to get through anything. But on the conscious level, one day back in 2011, I just woke up and thought “I wonder how far I can run”. I went out, and I ran 4km. (NB: This is not how I’ll introduce you to running if you’re a LFD athlete!)
This is okay, I thought to myself. I can do this. And so the next day I went out and ran 5km. And that was it. I had a new identity: runner. I worked my way up through distances before entering the Kepler Challenge as my first ultra a couple of years later. But I’d never found that elusive conscious why - and in fact it continued to elude me right up until 2022.
In 2021 and 2022, I went through some tough times - some of the toughest of my life. My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer (and passed ten months after the diagnosis). I burned out at work; I lost my job. I had put on 30kg. I DNFed my first race, the Tarawera 100 miler, and had a subsequent meltdown that led to me quitting racing altogether. I started to come to terms with the trauma in my past. I was miserable, depressed, and spiralling. And then I realised there was only one person who could turn it all around, and that was me.
From the rock bottom I started to put in the work. I signed up with a nutritionist, the amazing James at NTS Nutrition. I started to strength train with the equally amazing Don Saladino as part of his monthly challenges. I found an amazing new job that let me do work to save the planet rather than make people rich. I started, piece by piece, to improve myself. I started to (as Don is fond of saying) clean my side of the street.
And in this journey, my why revealed itself.
I’ve never been particularly talented at anything. I’ve always been almost - almost good enough to play sport for my country, almost smart enough, almost almost almost. At school I’d come last in races. (Hell, for most of my racing career I’d come last in races!) But one thing I am very good at is working hard, and working consistently. I’ve got a work ethic second to none. Another thing I’m good at is helping others. I love to spur other people on to amazing things.
And realising those two talents was what finally revealed my why.
I run because I want to show people that you don’t have to be intrinsically talented to be good at this sport. Ultra running at its heart all about just putting one foot in front of the other until you’re done. You don’t have to be fast. You don’t have to be the best. You just have to not give up. And I run these distances because I want to show people that no matter who you are, no matter where you come from, no matter what you’ve been through - you can achieve extraordinary things. All it takes is hard work. I run - and coach - because I want to inspire other people to run, too.
Whether you’re a runner or not, I’d love to hear about your why. What inspires you?